Wed, 26 June 2019
Todd Henry is the founder of Accidental Creative, a company that helps creative people and teams be prolific, brilliant and healthy. He regularly speaks and consults with companies about how to develop practices that lead to everyday brilliance.
He is the author of Die Empty, The Accidental Creative, and Louder than Words.
Favorite Success Quote
“Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of our soul and then walks grinning in the funeral” ~Kahlil Gibran
1. The Goal of Life is Not Comfort it’s Contribution
Society has tried to convince us that the ultimate goal of our lives is to increase our comfort.
But the problem with this philosophy is that no great work ever came from comfort.
You cannot contribute to society and build a true legacy while staying comfortable.
In fact, comfort is what kills great work and dreams.
The more you are pursuing comfort, the more you are going to be willing to compromise what you know is right and ultimately the more you are willing to reduce your goals and play it small in life.
It’s not comfortable to build a great business.
It’s hard work, it requires long hours, and lots of lost sleep.
It’s not comfortable to sustain a strong marriage.
It requires difficult conversations, a commitment to your spouse even when they are at their worst, and the ability to say no to the temptation of other women.
It’s not comfortable to build a great body.
It requires strenuous exercise, denying yourself the pleasure of excess food, and controlling vices that would harm your health.
But while it might not be comfortable to do any of these things, it is worth it.
2. Suffering is Not Evil
One of the missions of many modern gurus is to “Eradicate suffering wherever it exists”.
And while this sentiment sounds noble, when you understand its ramifications, the truth becomes clear.
Suffering is not evil, it is not wrong, and it is not a danger to society.
Suffering is a necessary part of growth and development.
Suffering builds character in the individual and equips them for challenges that they will face later in life.
I want you to imagine two men.
The first grew up in NYC, with rich affluent parents, and the whole world presented to him.
The second, grew up in the South Side of Chicago, with an abusive father and an emotionally distant mother.
They both grow up, and decide to take up the mantle of entrepreneurship.
When the first man comes in contact with his first set of challenges, what do you think will happen?
When he is required to work for 24 hours straight, to fire a dear friend, and to pull payroll from his own bank account… how do you think he will respond?
While he might rise to the situation and surprise us all, odds are, his love of comfort and soft life will have conditioned him to tuck his tail and run.
But the second man?
The man who became friends with pain and suffering from a very young age?
What do you think he will do?
He will laugh.
This is nothing compared to where he came from and he knows that he can easily overcome these obstacles to achieve his goals.
Suffering breeds strong men and strong men shape the world.
While you shouldn’t seek to suffer more than is necessary, you should embrace suffering as it arises and be willing to see it for the gift that it is.
3.Contemplate Your Own Death
We are all going to die.
Maybe Elon Musk will step in and save the population from its rapidly approaching fate, but until then, the only axiom of life is the inevitability of death.
You are going to die, I am going to die, and everyone who reads this is going to die.
And when we are presented with this reality, we have but one of two choices.
We can either continue living life like we always have, lazily coasting through our days, living the deferred life that everyone else has designed for us.
Or we can take action.
We can use this disturbing and dark reality to inspire us and empower us to live our best lives.
If tomorrow is not guaranteed then you can no longer waste today.
Don’t wait until later to tell someone that you love them, don’t wait until next week to start pursuing your dreams, and don’t wait a second longer to start living with joy and passion.
We are all dead men walking.
So we might as well make the most of it.
4. Make Mistakes of Commission Not Omission
There are only two kinds of mistakes in this world.
Mistakes of omission and mistakes of commission.
Mistakes of omission are the worst kind.
These mistakes are where we knew we needed to do something, desperately wanted to take action, but froze in fear.
These are the mistakes where we think back and wonder “What would have happened if I had taken that trip, quit that job, asked that girl out, or been willing to be my true self.”
These are the mistakes that haunt us to our death bed.
Then there are mistakes of commission.
These are the mistakes that we will most often look back and smile on.
These are the mistakes where we started that business, made a bad move, and then failed and learned what we needed to for our next venture.
These are the mistakes where we drop out of school, travel the world, lose everything and have to rebuild. But, we had a heck of a time doing it, met some amazing people, and lived a fuller life for it.
These are the mistakes where we go up and talk to the girl, ask for her number, and then get shot down. But we laugh it off, go back to our buddies and try again.
Mistakes of commission at the best, help us in future endeavors, and at worst teach us lessons.
You have a choice.
You can either make mistakes of omission and live the rest of your life wondering “what if” or you can make mistakes of commission and live the rest of your life saying “At least I tried”.
5. Are You Loving People Through Your Work or Using Them?
At all times you are either loving people through your work or using them through your work.
There is no in between.
When you use people through your work, sure you can make a few dollars.
But how long will it last?
How long until people say, “Enough! I am sick of this”?
When you love people through your work, you might find that the money comes a little bit slower (trust me though it will come) but the fulfillment flows in abundance.
You know that every post you write, every video you publish, and every product you sell is ultimately helping people, engaging people, and pushing them further in their journey to become their best selves.
When you can use your business to love people, the flood gates of the universe will open to you and you will start to see love and abundance show up in your lives in a way that you never could have imagined.
Mon, 24 June 2019
Sean Ogle is a former 9-5er turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
Since 2009, Sean has built his company Location Rebel into one of the premier digital nomad and location independence blogs on the internet.
After quitting the corporate world, Sean was able to grow his company to multiple six figures in revenue and create a lifestyle of total freedom, travelling to dozens of countries, and exploring parts of the world many people didn’t even know existed.
Favorite Success Quote
“Comparison is the thief of joy” ~Theodore Roosevelt
1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
One of the most pervasive problems in our hyper “connected” society is the prevalence of the comparison mindset.
No matter how great you are doing in your business, health, and relationships, someone is always doing better, and after 30-seconds of surfing through Instagram you are immediately reminded that you are not the biggest fish in the pond.
But guess what?
Every single person is on their own unique journey to success.
We all have our own path to chart and our own roads to travel.
And comparing yourself to others (whose story and struggle you are completely unaware of) is the fastest way to sabotage your own success and happiness.
It is one thing to aspire to a certain level of success.
It is another thing entirely to degrade your own journey and achievement by comparing yourself to other people who had an entirely different set of skills and advantages when they entered the game.
Cut out the comparison and you will cut out a vast majority of your unhappiness.
2. Start with the Basics
So often whenever people are getting started on their journey to freedom and location independence, they want to focus on the sexy businesses.
They want the six figure membership site, the 7-figure ecommerce store, and the high ticket coaching and consulting gigs.
But what most people don’t realize is that these types of businesses require an incredible level of skill and knowledge to build.
You need to start with the unattractive basics first.
Select a skill like SEO, copywriting, or web design.
Become extremely proficient in that skill until you can make a full time living as a freelancer.
Then, once you have the bills paid for and the ability to work from anywhere in the world, start applying those skills to your own “Freedom Business.”
Without the basics, you will fail at creating the “sexy” business every single time.
3. Consistency is the Key to Success
True success comes from one thing.
It doesn’t matter whether you devote 2 hours a day or 20 hours a day.
As long as you are doing something to grow your skillset or business every single day, you will achieve success in a relatively short amount of time.
By making a 2-hour daily commitment over the next 18 months, you can quit your job, travel the world, and make more income than you ever thought possible.
But it requires consistency.
You can’t just work 80 hours on your freedom business one week, and then forget about it for three months.
You need to lay the foundation every single day and keep piling up those bricks until you reach the level of success that you desire.
4. Focus on Vulnerability, Not Perfection
One of the biggest road blocks that most entrepreneurs come across is that they are striving for perfection.
Perfection in their content creation, perfection in their product creation, and perfection in every aspect of business execution.
This is a mistake.
The world responds to vulnerability, not meticulously written articles that require a month of editing.
Be raw, be real, tell people what is really going on.
The more vulnerable you are, the more people will be able to relate with you and the more of an impact you will be able to have.
Don’t try to be perfect.
Just be real and the results will come.
5. Realize that Uncertainty is the Greatest Killer of Dreams
“People will choose unhappiness over uncertainty” ~Tim Ferriss
People are scared of the unknown.
It’s just how we are wired.
We are terrified of the “ifs” surrounding our lives.
What if she rejects me?
What if this business fails?
What if I lose it all?
But what people forget is that 9 times out of ten, the worst case scenario, the “if” that we are so scared of is extremely unlikely.
And even if it happens, it’s almost never as bad as people think it will be.
So what if you start a business and it fails.
You can lick your wounds and return to the corporate world or you can start over and try again.
But if you succeed, you will have a life that you can only imagine right now.
So what if that hot girl rejects you?
Odds are she will let you down gently and you will still be the only guy in your social circle with the balls to talk to her.
And best case is that she is amazing and you end up in a happy fulfilled relationship.
With most uncertainty in life, there is a disproportionate reward to risk ratio.
Meaning that whatever you are scared of and uncertain about will typically result in a small potential loss, but has the potential for massive long term gain.
Wed, 19 June 2019
After sticking out his thumb and traveling the world, David returned home to Austin, Texas broke and unemployed, at the age of 26. Though his travels may not have yielded wealth, they instilled the key motivation that he brings to every part of his life to create it — freedom.
Through this intention, David began to test his entrepreneurial merits alongside his business-partner mom in the world of real estate. The results were nothing short of remarkable. In less than 10 years, David would go on to build one of the top real estate brokerages in the world, founding over 50 companies.
Yet, more than anything else, the inherent freedom derived from his success awards him the time to focus on the importance on what matters most: being a proud father of two beloved daughters, a son and husband to the wonderful and talented Traci Osborn.
Today, still rooted in his boundless sense of adventure, David continues to travel the world not only to be enlightened by new experiences, but to share his insight and expertise with others so they, too, can truly be free.
Favorite Success Quote
“If you go to work on your goals, your goals will work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plans will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us.” ~Jim Rohn
1. Create Your Vision and Get to Work on It
Most people are simply coasting through life.
They live each day in a reactive mindset, allowing circumstances and the whims of others to control their emotions and outcomes.
And most people are miserable.
They are uninspired, financially and emotionally poor.
But you don’t have to be like most people.
The first step to breaking out of the mold that society has cast you into is to take responsibility for your future and make the major definite decision about what you want.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to contribute? How much wealth do you want to accumulate? What is your plan for achieving it?
Creating a vision for your life and achieving that vision is possible.
But it will require you to think differently, it will require that you make difficult decisions, and it will require that you put in the work.
But ten years from now, you will surely arrive…
The only question is who will you arrive as?
Will you be the man that society wanted you to be?
Or the man that you want to be?
2. You Have to Beat Your “Hopium” Addiction
Most entrepreneurs suffer from a strong addiction to a sinister substance that is the insidious destroyer of goals and dreams.
This drug isn’t something that you snort, inject, or smoke, but rather it is a mindset that permeates every aspect of your life and (if you are not careful) can destroy every aspect of your life.
You see, entrepreneurship is challenging, and it requires that you have a positive outlook and a strong mindset.
However, this mindset often leads many entrepreneurs to make assumptions and hold unfounded beliefs about the future of their lives and business that simply aren’t based in reality.
They get overly excited about what might come to pass, they put too much emphasis on what is happening in their business right now and not enough on the possible downsides that could happen in the future.
This dangerous addiction blinds many entrepreneurs to the reality of the business world and causes many fortunes to be flushed down the drain.
If you want to wean yourself off this potent “substance” the first step is to cultivate a sense of positive skepticism.
This does not mean that you approach every deal, hire, or project with a negative attitude, it simply means that you look at it for what it is and ask yourself “Where will this go wrong”.
For example, if you are expanding your company and opening up a new branch, before you sign a $20,000/month lease, ask yourself “How could this decision negatively affect my financial future and stability.”
After some careful thought you realize that this new territory has not been proven yet.
You only have one agent and have no idea how your new branch will perform.
Therefor you make the decision to run a 90-day trial period with no branch location.
You meet up with your representatives and agents at local coffee shops, and wait until they have proven results.
Once the cash flow becomes positive, then you can sign a lease for an office building.
3. Become a “One-hundred Percenter”
The first step to truly living a life on your terms, a life by design, an extraordinary life, is to become a “100%er.”
This grammatically incorrect (yet wildly powerful) term simply means that 100% of your monthly expenses are covered by passive income.
You could get into a car accident, or lose your biggest client, or sell your house and go backpacking across India and you would never have to worry about finances because 100% of your expenses are covered by passive income.
This is a powerful goal that most authority figures on money and financial freedom do not teach.
Who cares how much you can earn if you are constantly living in fear knowing that one bad deal or one lost client could result in a tumultuous end to your financial income.
Your #1 goal for the first part of your financial life should be to build up enough passive income that you never have to work again.
Once this goal is achieved you have true freedom.
You can sleep in every day, watch reruns of loony tunes in your underwear and play xbox for hours on end (not an outcome we recommend).
You can dance your happy tail across South America.
You can continue building wealth and growing businesses.
Or you can devote more time to your faith and your family.
Becoming a 100%er means that you can do whatever you want because you have true financial freedom, and the quicker you can achieve this goal, the quicker you will be able to live a life on your terms.
4. Real Talent Cares More About Upside than Income
Your goal in business should be to “fire” yourself and hire people who are better at your job than you are.
Your goal is to build an empire.
And to build an empire you must become a master at finding and hiring talent.
And with this job comes one critical misconception.
Most entrepreneurs think that great talent cares only about the income that you can offer them, but in truth, talent cares more about upside than anything else.
Ok, so their base pay is only $50,000 a year…
But what is their long term potential when you include bonuses, equity, and commission?
If you offer enough incentives, you will attract incredible talent into your business.
But you have to learn how to create contracts that build up “golden handcuffs” offering your new hires the ability to earn as much as they want… provided that they are earning you even more income in the process.
5. Constantly Grow and Educate Yourself
The key to all success in life lies in education and massive action.
If you are not constantly expanding your mind, skill sets, and patterns of thought, then you are contracting them.
And if you are not constantly taking action on the new information that you are learning then you haven’t truly learned anything at all.
Your first priority in life should always be to expand your knowledge and skill sets so that you are equipped to face whatever challenges life might throw at you.
From finances to health to relationships, expand your mind and your reality will follow.
Tue, 18 June 2019
While I was rewriting The Dating Playbook for Men, I came across something I didn’t expect.
Mon, 17 June 2019
Brandon Carter has been one of the top personal trainers and nutritionists in North America for over 10 years. He has worked as a fitness model for Nike, Puma, Adidas, Men’s Health, and many others.
Brandon has trained a number of professional athletes and models.
Brandon is the author of the #1 best-selling ebook “Ultimate Cuts: 7 Secrets To Burn Fast As Hell” among several others.
Favorite Success Quote
“Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me” ~Jesus
1. Consistency is the Key to All Success
Most successful people are not successful because of genetics, luck, or inheritance.
They are successful because they just didn’t give up.
No matter how hard it got, no matter what challenges arose, they never gave up, never surrendered, and kept pushing forward to achieve the life of their dreams.
Tony Robbins has an old saying that “You overestimate what you can do in a year but underestimate what you can do in two or three decades.”
And the simple truth is that most people die unsuccessful and unfulfilled because they were not willing to power through the decades of struggle to become successful.
If you want to succeed, then don’t quit.
Plain and simple.
2. There is No Failure Simply Data
In life, there is no failure, there is just input and data.
Imagine that you go up to a beautiful woman to try and get her number.
In your approach, you lack confidence, your voice cracks, you can’t hold eye contact, and after mumbling inaudibly for about two minutes, she curtly tells you that she is not interested.
Is this a failure?
No, it is simply data about what doesn’t work.
Now, you know that the next time you go to approach a beautiful girl, you need to stand with confidence, project your voice, hold eye contact, and portray the fact that you are a strong grounded man.
The same is true in business and in health.
Even if you lose millions of dollars, it’s not a failure, it’s simply data that will inform your decisions in the future.
If you waste two years with the same low-level exercise program without seeing results, you have not failed, you have simply gathered data about what doesn’t work.
3. Master Your Craft
If you want to be remembered as one of the greats, then you must become a master of your craft, not just a dabbler.
True masters are the people who are willing to devote their lives to mastering one or two specific crafts.
According to Malcolm Gladwell it takes 10,000 hours to become a true master of any craft.
This means that if you want to truly master a craft it will take you at least a decade of committed work to truly become one of the greats.
But this should not be something that is discouraging.
Because of the high barrier to entry the competition that you will face on your path to mastery will be nominal.
There are so few people who are actually willing to pay the price for mastery, that the rewards for becoming a master are so incredible.
4. You Will Have to Bleed for What You Want
If you want to succeed, you are going to have to bleed.
End of story.
Whenever you are setting new goals for yourself, do not ask yourself what you want to achieve, ask yourself what you are willing to suffer for.
Almost everyone wants a million dollars, the house in the hills, the fast cars, and the beautiful woman.
But how many people are actually willing to bleed for what they want?
How many people are willing to sacrifice and suffer to achieve their goals?
If you want to achieve great things you will need to sacrifice greatly.
So before you set out to achieve your goals ask yourself if you are truly willing to pay the price required to achieve your goals.
5. You Need to be Relentless
Greatness requires sacrifice, we have already said as much.
But to become the best you must be relentless.
This is a whole new level of sacrifice.
Fighting your way to the top means that you are going to have to give up time with friends and family, it means that you are going to have to leave relationships, it means that you are going to have to give up sleep, give up partying, and give up damn near everything except for your pursuit of greatness.
You have to be relentless.
You have to be like Jordan and Kobe.
You have to show up early, leave late, and shut everything out except for your purpose.
Becoming the best in the world is not a path for the faint of heart, but if you decide to embark upon it, then you need to realize what it is going to cost.
Wed, 12 June 2019
Kamal Ravikant is one of the world’s most interesting entrepreneurs, whose initial success was found in the Silicon Valley.
In addition to his entrepreneurial success, Kamal has also trekked the Himalayas, meditated with Tibetan monks in the Dalai Lama’s monastery, served in the US Army Infantry, and walked 550 miles across Spain.
Favorite Success Quote
“Destiny favors the committed.”
“Hater’s gonna hate!” ~Taylor Swift
1. Commit To Yourself
Making and keeping a commitment to oneself is the ultimate measure of a man’s success.
We live in a society full of liars and fakes.
And I do not mean that people are maliciously seeking to manipulate their way to the top or intentionally putting on a facade of success and gravitas.
We live in a society where the greatest lies that are told are the ones that we tell ourself.
“This time it will be different.”
“This is the year that I will quit smoking/doing drugs/watching porn/standing on the sidelines”
“This is the year where I will take control of my life and start my own business.”
We live in a society that lies to itself to sedate the pain of staying the same.
But what if things could be different?
What if we were able to make commitments and follow through on them?
What if we valued ourselves and our own word so much that the very thought of backing out of a commitment that we made to ourselves was unthinkable?
It is possible.
But it starts by learning to value yourself and the commitments that you are making.
And more importantly, as we will discuss in a minute, it starts by loving yourself.
2. Execution, not Ideation is the Key to Success
Everyone has a great idea.
Everyone has an idea that could make them a billionaire (or at least much wealthier than they already are).
So why are there so many broke and impoverished people? Especially in a country like the U.S. where there are so many opportunities?
Because ideas are not worth a damn thing. Only execution is.
The greatest investors in the world never bet on the idea, just the team behind it.
If you want to succeed, stop worrying about what you are going to do, and start worrying about how you are going to do it and who you are going to become so that you can achieve your goals.
Forget all of your ideas.
Instead, worry about transforming yourself into the kind of person who can execute and bring ideas to life.
3. Loving Yourself is Selfless
So often people read the titles of books like “Love Yourself” and “Choose Yourself” and they think “Wow! What selfless a-holes these people are”
But what they never stop to realize is that the greatest narcissists in the world are the people who loathe themselves.
If you love yourself and take care of #1, then you enter into the world from a place of peace, joy, and love and therefore you are able to pour out into others and be the light that others can follow.
If you do not love yourself, then you enter the world from a place of scarcity, fear, and anxiety, ensuring that the only impact you have is to negatively affect and drain those around you.
What is more selfless?
Making sure that you are taken care of so that you can take care of others?
Or focusing all of your energy on others until you are burnt out, angry, and depressed?
4. If I Loved Myself at a Level 10 What Would I Do?
As you face different challenges and choices in your everyday life, you should view every trial, question, and challenge through one lens and one lens only.
“If I loved myself at a level 10 of 10, what would I do?”
This question simplifies even the most complicated of questions and makes it very easy for you to figure out the best solutions.
If you loved yourself at a 10/10 would you smoke that cigarette or abstain?
If you loved yourself at a 10/10 would you watch another porn flick, wasting your day and poisoning your sex life, or would you find more constructive ways to spend your time?
If you loved yourself at a 10/10 would you stay in that toxic relationship or bite the bullet and move on to someone who loves and appreciates you?
If you loved yourself at a 10/10 would you continue living a sedated, numb life, doing just enough to get by, or would you stand up and pursue your dreams, leave “desire” on the sidelines and be a man of action?
If you loved yourself at a 10/10 what would you do?
5. Vulnerability is Where True Power Lies
We are all broken.
From Bill Gates to Warren buffet to Kamal to Me.
No one is perfect and no one has everything figured out.
We are all on this journey called life together, and we are all blessed to be faced with different challenges and different successes.
And it is your privilege, no… your responsibility to share the story of your challenges and triumphs with the world.
You never know when one simple blog post, when one video, or when one conversation that you have will change someone’s life.
Opening up, being vulnerable, and sharing your story could be the difference between a friend committing suicide and a friend radically changing their life and pursuing their dreams.
Some of you may feel a bit uncomfortable sharing your story and being vulnerable with the people in your life.
But you have to remember that your story has power.
It has the power to attract people into your life who can help you on your journey and it has the power to reach people you may never know and radically transform their journey.
Do not live a life that is so selfish that you deprive yourself of the joy you will experience by impacting the world with your vulnerability.
Mon, 10 June 2019
Born in Egypt, Dr. Nour left Cairo in 1977 after graduating in the top of his class at the Medical School of Cairo University. Looking for the freedom to study medical subjects of interest to him in the U.S., he made his way to London but got caught in three year immigration process.
After many years of private Neurology practice in the Midwest and due only to an allergy to Canadian Geese, which flourish in large populations there, Dr. Nour moved to Southern California. Happily married with two daughters in college, he is now semi-retired. He is an accomplished painting artist, videographer, photographer and a graphic designer.
He enjoys opera, sailing, tennis, bicycling, and learning about other cultures through travel, all while still enjoying helping patients with complex neurological disorders.
Favorite Success Quote
“With persistence, you can achieve anything your heart desires.”
1. “Love” is a Scientific Series of Processes that Occur in Four Distinct Phases
1. Mate Choice
The first phase of love is mate choice. At it’s most basic level, this is the process of meeting someone and (subconsciously) deciding that they are a good match for you and your potential offspring on a genetic level. This phase happens almost instantly.
2. Falling in Love
The process that Hollywood and pop culture have used and abused. This is the phase in a relationship where the two individuals will feel massive attraction for one another and experience a heightened increase in certain pleasure chemicals. This phase will typically last 1-3 years.
3. Falling Out of Love
A necessary part of finding true love, the third phase of love is where you effectively experience the proverbial “come down” from the neurochemical high that you experienced during phase two. During this phase of the process, you will begin struggling in your relationship and find your partner less appealing than you did before. This phase will typically last around a year.
4. True Love
This is where the rubber meets the road. During the final stage of love, “True Love”, you have experienced falling out of love, made a conscious and informed decision that your current partner is right for you, and you now experience a release of a new set of pleasure chemicals that are slower forming but longer lasting, leading to the much desired “Happily ever after”.
2. Falling Out of Love is Essential to True Love
Many people assume that if they are falling out of love with their partner it is a bad thing.
However, they should actually get excited.
Falling out of love is an essential, if not the most essential part of the four phases of true love.
You see, the first two phases of love cause people to experience such an overwhelm of pleasure chemicals being released in the brain that they quite literally cannot see the other person for what they really are.
Thus the phrase “Love is blind”.
However, because your genes are hardwired to help ensure that you are able to survive and procreate with the highest levels of success possible, phase two begins.
During this phase, your genes are working behind the scenes to help you determine whether the person you are with is truly the best match for you in the long run.
If you do not have this phase, you cannot have true love.
Read that again and write it down.
Unless you fall out of love with your partner, you will scientifically never be able to experience true and lasting love.
This is not an easy reality to stomach, but the knowledge and foresight of what is to come will allow you to make informed decisions about your relationships and truly determine what is best for you in the future.
3. If You Do Not Fall Out of Love with Somebody You Cannot Fall in Love With Someone New
Many men beat themselves up and feel battered down because they are unable to move on after a bad breakup or divorce.
Gentlemen, I have good news for you.
It is not your fault.
Despite what we have been lead to believe by the pop culture surrounding masculinity, on a chemical and neurological level, you cannot just get over it whenever you experience a traumatizing separation.
You see, whenever you are caught in the second phase of love and your partner ends the relationship (often because they reached the third phase and did not know how to handle it), you are still caught in love on a chemical level.
Your brain will literally not allow you to move on until you have experienced the biological and neurological effects of falling out of love.
So what does this mean for you?
If your wife or girlfriend ends things while you are mid-phase 2 are you doomed to an eternity of lovelessness?
Even though your brain and genes are working “against” you, it is possible to recover.
Typically this will occur whenever you maintain an amiable (or nonamiable) relationship with your previous partner and allow yourself to naturally fall out of love with them.
If they have been removed from your life completely, you will often need to seek professional help to truly recover and move on to your next love in a healthy way.
4. Love and Sex Are Not the Same Thing
A common fallacy among the uninformed is that love and sex are the same things.
They are not.
While love and sex are complimentary in their nature, they serve two completely different purposes.
Think about it this way.
Sex is all about satiation.
It’s about achieving the goal of orgasm and there is a set amount of sex that any given person can handle before they are done.
Love, on the other hand, does not have an inherent goal or “climax”. It is an ongoing process that can and should feel like a bottomless well.
Have you ever heard anyone say “No thanks, I don’t want any more love today. You can take your love and go give it to someone else.”?
However, love makes sex more intense and emotional and sex makes loves more binding.
Like a doctor and a nurse, they work together, but serve very separate roles.
5. Your Capacity for Love Depends on Your Genes
And now, the big one.
This particular point will be uncomfortable for many of you and might even make some of you angry.
But like the famous scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson said, “The great thing about science is that it is true whether you agree with it or not”.
Your capacity for true love, connection, and monogamy are all highly dependent on your genes.
There are some people who due to their genetic variations quite literally cannot experience true love.
The chemicals are there, but the genetic wiring to receive the “true love” chemicals are not.
This is a hard pill for many to swallow.
The fact that monogamy, fidelity, and the quality of your relationships can actually have anything to do with your genes, let alone everything to do with them, is not something that most members of society understand and accept.
And while this truth may not be comfortable, it is the truth and it’s important that you remember this on your quest to find your own true love.